Choose Joy.

Gosh.
Life is a crazy thing.
Sleeping. Eating. Socializing. Judging. Accepting. Loving. Learning.
It's in the moment I realized I might actually be in love..... with a famous person (*cough* Harry *cough* Styles) and that My heart is fragile, even in something as silly as a boy band obsession.
The day I actually saw heartbreak in My 13 year old cousin's tear filled eyes, I realized we're all emotional and fragile, no matter how strong our bodies are, we are small and our hearts are like a snowflake. We can all get ourselves trapped in our own minds and emotions. We can get ourselves so locked up, that we'll need to crack, and all it will take is a zit on the bottom of our chin, and suddenly we've turned into Mrs. Bennett on a bad day.
Some days I feel like the enemy is just kicking my brain with metal cleats... but.. then i remember that I have this amazing spirit inside me, that shows me truth and life. I feel like Jesus speaks to me through music, no matter if I'm listening to Justin Timberlake or Josh Garrels, I feel like he picks out the words he wants me to hear, and he puts them to my ears to receive love and kindness.
One sweet strum, ringing out E minor, can make my day.

I like to experiment on Netflix (after reading about 5 parent reviews on the movie, of course).
and on occasion I'll see something disturbing, It can be a half a second clip on the movie, and I will be feeling sad and grossed out for days. Fragile and Sensitive. To fill myself with sweet words, funny sayings and coffee, is what I need. I just get mad, why can't I just watch a romantic comedy, without seeing something my brain isn't prepared for.

It's life.
it's the world.
it's our culture.

Heartbreak. Sadness. Insecurity. There's a lot of it.
But with every tear, there's two chuckles.
with every death, somewhere babies are being born.
with every sunset, the next morning will bring a sunrise.

Everyone of us has to choose joy. We need to have faith in the good.
Count the smiles, inhale every fresh gust of wind.
See the wrinkles on the elderly, embrace the feet you were given, and dance on the hot pavement.

No one will be happy if we focus on what's happening on the news and in politics or if we choose to believe that all of our facebook friends have better lives than us. We all put on some sort of act. so break through the fake. Break through the emotional walls of yourself, and love with your whole self.

The Scene

I've been in this same scene so many times. 

The people...

Clean cut,

Boarder line edgy.

The scene...

Big speakers,

Electric guitars,

Merch table to the side.

They're playing an upbeat song, then they say in an intense voice,

"Okay guys. Lift your hands."

This bit always happens, right as they say that little youth conference line, I feel my stomach tighten. because I know what's happening next.

While everyone's hands are up, they come in with a slow, "sentimental", pop-like, 80's ballad intro and start the guilt trip. 

"YOU. You have excuses, you could be reading your bible or praying or going to church. but instead you choose to do something else. If you don't do said thing, you'll go to hell and Jesus won't love you"
Okay, I guess that was too straight forward. But that is what i always leave big christian events feeling like they told me.
They TELL you to raise your hands. If I'm going to raise my hands, it's because I really feel Jesus. I'm not going to raise my hands if a guy with gelled hair, and plastic diamonds on his shirt tell me to.
The ages of these kids that go to all of these things are like 12 to 18, it's a vulnerable time in a human's life. It's where you really find yourself as a person AND as a follower of Jesus.
So to show a teenager anything other than the pure and perfect love of our Daddy, is douchy.
What if I had no access to a Bible? would god not love me? yes, he ALWAYS loves. He loves the people who purposefully run the other way from him. He loves the people who have 5 wives. He loves the people who read the Bible like a newly bought book, that you've been waiting months for. He loves the people who commit the worst crimes. He loves the people worshiping thousands of other gods. He loves the cheerleader,  He loves the bullied kid in the corner.
He just loves. LOVES LOVES LOVES!
From there on out it's a matter of opinion, in my eyes.
If you see God as a presidential type, judgmental type, abusive dad type or anything other than a comforting friend and protector than you've got a messed up perception.

To the kids at the lame concert tonight.... Jesus will not slowly take his caring hand off of you. 

"You're wearing patchouli!!"

I am a bunny.

My name is Nicholas.

I live in a hollow tree.

In the spring, I like to pick flowers.

In the summer, I listen to the insects buzzing and humming.

In the fall, I like to watch the leaves falling from the trees.

And, when winter comes, I watch the snow falling from the sky.

Then I curl up in my hollow tree and dream about spring.

Sometimes I want to be that cartoon bunny. Take it all in. But instead I'm just waiting for something to happen. I'm not as patient as that little guy,  I sit around waiting for something exciting and adventurous to happen, searching for someone to share it with. Waiting for Jesus to tap me on the shoulder and say, "Let's do this!!" and put me on his majestic shoulders and fly me to Germany... or just Alabama. When I'm really just waiting for myself. Waiting for me to get off of my ass and go outside, at least. Waiting to get the motivation to get off Instagram and Vine and show the world my pale face.

Well, that's how I felt last week.. then I got a call from my Aunt, and she said "Jaydinn! Hailey, Katie and I were all just talking and we were wondering if you could work out something and come to bama for the week?!" I barely had any time to even get excited, next thing I was sitting next to a man on a plane who was talking about my Patchouli.

"Hi, I think that's my seat."
"This one?"
Obviously "Yes..."

"That's patchouli!!"
"Huh?"
"You!! You're wearing it!"
"Oh... yeah!"
"I'm glad"
what the heck?
"I'm glad... I'd much rather smell that than someones funky body odor!!"
"Oh, haha. yeah, this is just covering up my own!"
(insert extremely awkward chuckles)

I splashed coke on the poor man's iPad.
Because, duh! That's my talent!

After the plane landed, I called my mom and told her what was happening, kept her on the phone, ordered terrible coffee, and proceeded to sit and sip for ten minutes. Juggling calls between my friends searching the Atlanta airport for me and my poor stressed out mother, I stayed seated, scared that if I got up, I'd instantly be forced into an awkward conversation with one of the many teenagers surrounding me. Hailey finally got it through to me that they couldn't get passed security, or in her words,
"The man won't let us!!"
  So I set out on My mini trek... all alone, but not scared for some reason.
I started walking, My coffee between My bent elbow and chest, heavy and growing heavier every second suitcase on My other arm and My phone between My cheek and shoulder.
I had at least walked a mile by this point, following the NEVER ENDING arrows, and then I reach an escalator, the longest one I've ever seen... and I instantly turned into Buddy The Elf. I stood at the top of that thing, no balance to speak of (then) for about a minute. Then I took a wonky step and almost fell down the whole thing... I looked around and at least a dozen rich, suited people were staring at me, and then I just busted out laughing and sweating.
After I got my balance back, I tuned in my ears to something other than my pulse, and realized I had no clue where I was going. So i started following this trustworthy (Hah!) looking man talking on the phone about hiring models,  I could tell from his body language that he was now just as confused as me. He turned around and for some reason I didn't follow him. I kept following the unmarked arrows through the tube and escalators until I realized everyone around me was speaking different languages, I looked around and there were security guards everywhere, patting people down, I looked up and saw the sign 'International Baggage Claim', I said some satisfying words under my breath, and turned around, back on the tube, now full of people, feeling like I was alone in Europe and juggling three calls at once. an hour and a half an airport later, I finally spotted them. We got in the car and I peeled my sweat soaked sweater off and had a nice time in Ikea, following tatted dudes in shorts (not the usual in ol' ks) and had some sweet swede food.

After the most heart filling weekend, I'm back at Nomad's, writing at 3:00 a.m. and listening to my old favorite Andrew Peterson. This computer is at 15% and I want chocolate.